No thank you

I've lived in America, except for a single year, since I was 19. I'm assimilated enough that the absence of public toilets doesn't annoy me any more. I don't reply with snark to "Have a Nice Day!". I can sit through an entire football game, as long as it's the Patriots, or even a baseball game (if it's the Red Sox crushing the Yankees, particularly in the playoffs.) And I realize sarcasm mostly doesn't work in America; even if people get it, they just assume you're being hostile.

But the one Murican thing I still don't get is Thanksgiving. I fully understand the pleasure of gorging oneself on a turkey dinner (in Ireland, we do that at Christmas). Watching the mediocre football on TV (or worse yet, high-school football games in subfreezing temperatures on Thanksgiving morning), trying not to taunt people who voted for Donald Trump, etc. -- these I don't get. And I've grown sweet potatoes, and even tried on several occasions to eat sweet potatoes, but I've never liked sweet potatoes.

But most nauseating of all is the ritual where people go around the table and list the things they're thankful for. In Ireland, that would immediately become a competition for who can be the snarkiest. "I'm thankful I'm not paying Jose Mourinho's salary"..."I'm thankful Bono seems to be talking a lot less", etc.. I just can't.

So this year I'm going to list some of the things I'm not thankful for.

  • Donald J Trump and the whole rotten stinking corpse of the Republican Party.
  • The bozos, I mean 'my fellow Americans', who voted for these turkeys (you know who you are).
  • The Federal Debt.
  • Chancellor Ronnie Green and idiot (I mean President) Hank Bounds.
  • Deb Fischer.
  • Ben Sasse, at least until he learns that talking a good game is not enough.
  • Climate Change, and the denialism that stops us doing anything about it.
  • Colonoscopies.
  • Pumpkin, particularly pumpkin in beer.
  • ...and (not speaking of beer) Budweiser.
  • Iowa (obligatory nod to Dan Moser).
  • Country music, and also Bob Seger.
  • Density Functional Theory.
I'm sure I'll be able to add to this list...

Oh yeah, and click on the video; it's my nominee for best song of 2017.

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