Stochastic Poisoning

Stochastic terrorism is a sad reality of our century. It even has its own Wiktionary entry:

The use of mass public communication, usually against a particular individual or group, which incites or inspires acts of terrorism which are statistically probable but happen seemingly at random.

The amazing Donald J Trump, our Orange Messiah, has invented a new variant: stochastic poisoning. Here's how it works. At a White House press conference, you make the claim that the antimalarial chloroquine is showing "very encouraging, very very encouraging, early results" in treating COVID-19 (rubbish, by the way), and "it's not going to kill anybody".

So what happens? First, it gets amplified on right wing sites, who inform Trumpkins that it's available as a 'fish-tank additive'. Then, of course, it sells out of aquarium stores, as desperate people buy it. To be fair to Trump, this was already happening, though he certainly added fuel to the fire. And finally, inevitably, someone foolishly heeding the words "it's not going to kill anybody" eats a spoonful, and dies. In fact, five people have been poisoned in this way, two in Arizona, three in Nigeria.

Trump kept saying it was basically pretty much a cure," said the woman, who asked NBC that her identity remain anonymous. The poisoned woman said she and her husband each took a spoonful of chloroquine phosphate, which they had around the house as a fish-tank cleaner. She says they saw "chloroquine" on the label and figured it was what Trump was talking about.

The pair became violently ill within 30 minutes. "My husband started developing respiratory problems and wanted to hold my hand," she said. The woman says she struggled to call 911 because she kept falling over and vomiting. "I was having a hard time talking," she told NBC News. "I fought for my life."

When asked what message she wanted to share with others, the woman kept it simple. "Don't take anything — don't believe anything the president says," the woman said. "They don't know what they're talking about."

Words to live by. Literally, words to live by.

Yes, it was foolish of them to consume chloroquine sold as a fish tank additive [technically, it was chloroquine bis(dihydrogenphosphate), which is actually the form used in some prescription chloroquine pills]. But if you give thousands of people bad or incautious advice, some people are inevitably, by the simple operation of probability, going to take it. And that's it. That's why TV doctors are incredibly careful with their words and invariably tell you to do nothing except under the advice of a physician.

Trump is a stochastic poisoner.