Revival can't be revived.

It's a measure of the divisiveness and unpopularity of Christianity in contemporary American life that the Washington Post, breathlessly and uncritically covering the current 'revival' -- or in other words, eruption of fanaticism -- in progress at Asbury College, KY, will not allow comments. Because they know what the comments would be like.

Fortunately, Transmillenial is here to tell you what is actually happened.

Jeebus: Yow! I am back. Three weeks on the slopes in Co-lo-rad-oh! So psyched! Man I needed that, after that annual celebration of my fake birth!

Holy Ghost: You were at the edibles again, weren't you?

Jeebus: At them? My dude, I devoured them. By the ton. The entire state is experiencing a short-ahge. I hear people eating communion wafers are getting the munchies!
Anything happen since I left?

Holy Ghost: : Old man was grumpy, so he killed 40,000 people in Turkey and Syria. Oh yeah, and they want you at the revival, in Kentucky. You owe me. I had to fill in.

Jeebus: Another revival? What is with these people? Didn't they do one last year?

Holy Ghost: They're excitable. You know Methodists.

Jeebus: Don't know Methodists. Can't keep these cults straight in my head. What do these loonies believe?

Holy Ghost: Nobody knows. But they sing.

Jeebus: That's gotta be pretty bad. You poor bastard!

Holy Ghost: You have no idea.

Jeebus: Right! I'm putting my foot down. Revival is over! It harshes my vibe.

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